Short Message

I know it's been a while since I wrote on my blog. I have been dealing with the loss of my job, which I didn't think would bother me that much, but it did. I have also been watching my youngest grandson Noah a few days a week. We took a long vacation to Tupelo MS, then to Fort Polk LA, then over to Hot Springs AR for Thanksgiving. We stopped in Nashville on the way back to celebrate our 8th anniversary and then home. I enjoyed everything except the riding..my back can't take it. As the saying goes though, "there's no place like home"!

We are getting ready for our Ripley Christmas Dinner tonight and I woke up to see it snowing outside this morning. It's almost noon and it's still snowing.

Our dogs love it and act like kids do. Romping and running around like it was some sort of party.

I do have some of my Christmas shopping done. No decorating done yet and no wrapping yet. I am still trying to get Mary Kay up and running. I get discouraged once in a while that it's not moving as fast as I want it to, but I have to be patient and just do what I can.

I hope that all my friends and family have a healthy and Happy Merry Christmas.

I will try to write more later.

Enjoy the day that our Lord has made!

Are You Listening?

I ask this question because we all are being spoken to by others, family, friends, God. Are we listening to what is being said to us? I mean really listening. I think not. I know that we hear the voices of those speaking to us, but if you're like me, most times we can't remember what the conversation was 5 minutes later. Why is that?

I think it's because we have become so customed to tuning things out, noises, conversations of other people, even though they may be speaking to us. We are too busy. We are always too busy.

What about when God is speaking to us? Do you know it's Him or do you just shrug it off and think it's just your imagination? How can we know that it's really Him speaking?

Well, I'm gonna tell you how I know God was trying to get my attention.

I lost my job.

Let me take you back a couple of weeks prior to "that day". I use to sell Mary Kay. You're wondering what this has to do with me losing my job, right? Well, it has everything to do with it. I decided to talk to a friend of mine who I had as a director before and we got me signed back up to join this wonderful company. I had talked to my husband about this and told him that I wanted to do this and I felt that God was leading me back to it. I had a time table for when I wanted to do this full time. The time I picked wasn't in agreement with him, so I made a compromise. I told him that when I started making the same amount with Mary Kay as I was with my job or the time when he said, which ever came first, then I would turn in my notice.

I continued on with my full time job as usual. I had not been happy there for a long time. It's not that I didn't like my job, I just wasn't happy. Ok, here's where the story gets exciting.

Wednesday, October 21st 2009 was a day like all the others. I came to work and did what I do. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just the same thing as every other day. I went to lunch and came back, continuing with my work.

Around 3 or 3:15 that afternoon, the owner of the company and his son, the president came to me to look at a utility bill. It was my job to keep my eyes peeled on things out of the ordinary and let them know. I usually did a pretty good job at it. I would miss it once in a while, but then no one is perfect, right.

Well, I evidently missed something really big. The screaming I got was nothing short of "I will strangle you" look. In all the years I worked there, I had never seen or heard such. He was still yelling as he went back to his office. Yeah, this was in front of God and everyone in the office.

A few seconds later, I was called into his son's office and told they had to let me go that I had missed too much work. I was in a state of shock from the moment I was being screamed at to being told I was fired. I understood that I had made a mistake and yes, I had missed some work due to being sick, etc. But I felt blindsided. The entire office went stone cold silent. No one said a word.

As I started packing my stuff up to leave, I asked a co-worker to help me take my things to my car. He, too, was in shock and told me he felt sick. I let him know that I would be ok, that everything would be ok. I didn't scream back, I didn't throw or slam things, I didn't even cry. I felt very calm, shocked, but calm.

As the next few days went by, I was still in a state of shock. I moved in a fog, but my husband was home during this time. My daughters even said I looked better. The stress was gone from my face. I don't know that all the stress is gone. I still have to make a pay check. As for Bryan, he's upset at what they did, but mostly concerned.

I am the type of person that if something goes wrong or I make a mistake, I need to know about it so I can "fix" it. I am what some would refer to as a person who likes to "be in control".

Well, the day of my dismissal, I had my first Mary Kay party. Some of the ladies I worked with were to come and I made sure that they knew that I still expected to see them there. They came and I told my director what had happened. Her response was "YOU WERE!!!! (with a smile on her face)" Doesn't God work in misterious ways? (still smiling)

I never thought about looking at it that way considering I was still in shock. We had a good time that night. A day or two later she emailed me telling me that I really needed to have some form of inventory. She and I both knew I had no money to do that. Her words, "take a leap of faith". Then I was told that I could get my 401K out. I know what you're thinking. I didn't have that much in there to begin with. However, what I get will be enough to get the minumun inventory order.

Now, back to "Are you listening?" As the days started going by, I realized that God had been speaking to me in different forms. I guess the doors that were being opened, I saw as opportunities and I would do them 'on my terms and my time'. I guess God got tired of holding them opened and had my butt kicked out it. Then to have the ability to receive the money that I needed, well, that's only God.

Nothing about any of this has 'my control' about it. God was and is telling me that He alone is in control of my life. Period! Stop worring about why it happened and start thanking Him for being there to help me through it.

This new path that I am being led down will not be a walk in the park. God did not take me from one place that I didn't want to be to put me in another where there would be no sacrifices or hard times. He has me here to show me who He is and to be obedient to Him.

I pray that I will be the person He is trying to teach me to be. It's been hard these last few days. Part of me wants to hide in bed and not do anything and let depression take me down into that dark pit. The other part wants to be joyous and thankful and grateful and peaceful and go out and do a great job for the Lord. This is the part that will win.

Everyday will be a new beginning for me. Everyday is a new beginning for all of us. I am not going to look to tomorrow, because tomorrow may never come. I am looking at today. What am I going to do today that will make my Lord and Saviour proud of me? What am I going to do today that will bless others?

So, I ask you, Are You Listening?

What Do You Do When the devil Steals Your Joy?

Woke up this morning feeling ok. I decided that this was going to be a good day. The sermon at church Sunday was great and always seems to give me just what my soul needs. Of couse, we had my uncle's funeral that afternoon and it was also beautiful.

Ok..so...to deal with the day, I try to do my best to be my best.

What do you do when the first thing to happen to you is "crap" in your face? Well, if you do what you should, you just smile and realize that you are being tested to see just how much joy you have and what are you going to do with it. Well, how many of us really do that? If we are all honest, not very many. I am one of those.

I didn't get the response to something that I wanted and felt that was rightfully mine and immediately I went into defense mode, hostility mode, I'm pissed mode. I wasn't the only one. There were a few of us today walking that same barbed wire fence and we all fell right through it. The scratches and cuts that I have are so deep right at this moment that I feel sure tomorrow won't be better. I'm still angry and want to go to this person and tell them exactly what I think. Will that make it better? Of couse not.

Ok, does that sound like the attitude most of us will take? You know it! I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I only know that I pray that I will do better tomorrow than I did today.

I have learned and heard that God will not put on us more than He knows we are able to handle. The thing is, He doesn't want 'us' to handle it. He wants us to let Him handle it. He can handle all things.

I know all these things and more, but somehow "I'm not wanting to let it go". Do you know anyone like that? I'm sure you do.

I guess there are times when I wish I had someone close that I could talk to and tell all the things that were bothering me and making me miserable. Oh, wait....I do have someone...Jesus. I know He is hearing me now and reading as I write my feelings.

I know that life is hard. I know that we make it hard. I know that God will be with me no matter what.

I also know that just knowing these things don't make them go away. What I do know is I have to try everyday to do better.

Heavy Heart

The day was sunny, but the wind blew cold. People filed in the church to pay their respects to a man they admired and loved. His two daughters stood at the head and foot of the casket as people passed by, hugging, crying and rejoicing in a life that meant something to them and a person they would miss dearly. His two grandchildren and his sons-in-law were there. His wife was sitting in her wheel chair. I wasn't sure if she knew what was going on, but when I approached her, I knew she knew. You could see the sadness in her eyes. It was heartbreaking....

Today was a sad, but happy day. We layed my uncle to rest. He passed away early Friday morning. He was 83 years old and a very devoted Christian man. He loved God, his family, his church, his friends. He was respected by all who knew him. He was one of many of my uncles that had a great influence on me. I loved to go to their house and spend the night. He never made me feel like I was an intrusion. I felt just as much at home there as I did at my grandparents home. That's where I lived from 8 years old until I was over 13.

There were so many aunts and uncles in my life. So many wonderful Christian people. That's they way there were/are. Many of them have passed on to be with the Lord. I know that all I can hope for is to be a portion of what they were with my life. I know that I have fallen so short so many times. I do know that each day brings with it a new beginning.

I'm tired now...I think I will go to bed and dream of a new beginning and pray for a better day tomorrow.

Peaceful Determination

Anyone who has ever had to make a major decision knows just how "unpeaceful" it can be. The worries about whether or not one is making the right choice, the sleepless nights not knowing if what choice you've made will have a postive impact on your life or a negative one.

I am at that point in my life. The worries of finances, the decisions of how to help my mother in the best way possible, and trying to make sure that the path I am trying to find is the one that God has for me.

Faith plays a big part in making decisions in your life. Keeping fear from being the driving force is a big hurdle for me. You've heard people say we can be our own worst enemy? Well, I am that and more.

I try to believe in myself, but most of the time I tell myself I can't "step out" of my comfort zone. I have a friend who has told me many times in the past few years that I need to step out and take that leap of faith, but be willing to put the muscle behind the faith. She's right!

I love my friends. I don't have a ton of them, but the ones I do, are so important to me and mean everything to me. I know I can count on them to tell me straight up what's what.

So, for once in my life I'm going to do just that...step out of my comfort zone and do something for me. I believe, with God's help, my husband's support and my "peaceful determination" I can do all things.....

Homecoming....

We all have times in our lives when there comes a 'homecoming'. Maybe it's a new baby coming into your family, or possibly it's a soldier coming home from a war. It could just possibly be a spouse coming home from a long business trip.

It really doesn't matter what they are 'coming home' from, it's a positively wonderful moment.

That moment when you walk in the door with that brand new baby. Your safe haven from the outside world where you know you'll be able to keep your little one safe from harm. You sit down in that newly purchased rocker holding that new bundle of joy and think that life cannot possibly get any better....but it does.

Then there is the moment when you see your son, daughter, sister, brother, mother, father, husband or wife walking into the armory after being away at war thousands of miles away dealing with all the dangers that we pray we will never have to face. That moment you see them the feeling is more than wonderful, more than exciting. That moment is a moment of peace and joy. Knowing they are "home, safe from harm" just as it was the first day they entered their home as a baby.

These two examples that I chose were for me the most joyous occasions. But, I have another wonderful homecoming. It's the one where your husband has to travel on business. It might be for a couple of days, it might be a week or three. He could be a few hundred miles away, or ten thousand miles. Either way, he's still not home. Your apart, missing important times of being together. Then, when he walks in the door, or you pick him up at the airport, you once again have that feeling of being able to walk through that door into the safety of your home.

Never take one moment for granted. Always make sure to tell your love ones how much they mean to you. Remember the important moments, the silly, the funny, the ones that make you smile and laugh and even the ones that might make you cry.

Homecoming.....what does it mean to you?

The Smile

I sat alone at the table today

The people who passed seemed miles away

I watch and I see as they work and play

But not once did I see a smile today.

I walked along the path today

The people who passed seemed miles away

I watched and I see as they work and play

But not once did I see a smile today.

As I watch these people move along today

I realize they are thinking I'm miles away

They watch and they see as I work and play

But not once did they see me smile today.

After a while I realize as I go on today

I realize that if I take the time to say

Hello to the people who passed by on their way

We seem to smile at each other today.

Appreciation...Does it Really Exisit?

I know that we are suppose to do things without expecting anything in return. That's what I have always been told. Do your best as unto the Lord. I agree with that 100%. But does that mean no matter what you are doing? Even if it's a job? What about going above and beyond what is expected? Do you get any thank you's from the people that should be giving them? I don't think so. Those people are few and far between.

I believe if you are doing something to better another person's life then do as unto the Lord. I believe that if you are doing something to bring peace to those in need...do as unto the Lord. I believe if you are doing your job to help your family, do as unto the Lord. In everything you do...well you know...

What about your job? If you have times, and we all do, that you get behind and just want to get caught up and it's something you can do at home, then why is it that your are treated like you commited a crime? Being told, you don't get paid for taking work home, even if it betters your performance at work, what's the big deal?

Well, I guess it's a big deal. There are people out there making deal after deal after deal without thinking of the people who helped get them there. They will "swallow" an elephant, but then turn around and "choke" on a gnat. I guess what I'm trying to say is big money means nothing when they are the ones playing the game, but if one of their employees tries to make things better for the company, they choke as if you poisoned them.

I don't know if this is making any sense. I know this goes on everyday all around the world and has forever. I guess just once I would like to know that I am appreciated. They say, "well you have a job". Yeah I do, but we all like to hear "you are doing a great job" ..." I appreciate that you were willing to take the work home to get caught up"...."I appreciate you".....

If you're reading this and you're the boss, please tell your employees how much they mean to you. They are the one's keeping you up and running. If you're the employee...remember...you probably won't get that pat on the back, so just keep on keepin' on......

Well people...

Keep the sun outta your eyes...but let the "SON" always shine on you"...

Sunday Evenin'

It's a quiet Sunday evening at home. My husband is still in China. He will be home Wednesday night. I'm so excited. I have missed him so much.

Right now, I have two dogs lying on the floor sleeping and a cat lying on my chair a while ago and then moved to the coffee table on my laptop case sound asleep. It's times like this that I wish I could be a cat or dog.....well, not really, but seems like there are times when the "carefree" life of a dog/cat would be nice once in a while.

Earlier today I went to my mom's for lunch with the family. It was my granddaughter Emily's birthday this past Friday. She turned 8 and is just beautiful. Then went in to work for a few hours, back home in time to talk to hubby and then just chilled out.

This is a day in my life. Nothing grand, just calm and blessed.

Have a great week people.

I Made The First Move....

Ok...I did it...what did I do you say? I went to a place that I love and would like to be a part of and got an application. I have wanted to work in a coffee house/cafe for I don't know how long. Yes, I do have a job. No, I'm not going to quit. Yes, I do want to learn the ropes of how to run/work in a cafe. Part time. For now. Maybe.

Stepping outside your comfort zone can be very intimidating. I know, I've done it before. Somehow I end up back in my "comfort zone". Why? Fear, serious self critisim, perfectionism to the point of ...if I don't do it right the first time...I don't do it. Anyone out there have the same problem? I sure would like to know.

I know that even at my age, I can still learn to do something that I think I would love to do. I hear from lots of people to not give up on your dreams. What do you do when your dreams seem to be just inches out of your reach? Stretch up on your toes until you feel like you're going to fall off that cliff? Is there a rope to hold on to while you reach out? Or are you believing that if the next step has no place for your foot...just mid air...that you close your eyes, take a deep breath, raise up your hands.....and....GRAB!? When you open your eyes, you look down to see the world...and it's then you realize that the only thing that is holding you up is your faith in what you believe in.

Can I be that person? Can I have that kind of faith...to believe in the impossible? Right at this moment, I don't know. All I do know is that if I don't try, if I don't give it a shot, I will be forever locked inside myself, never to dream again.

Does this sound like "drama"? Maybe. Who doesn't need a little drama in their life? Sometimes drama can be fun.

Well, I think I'll leave things as is for right now. I have lots to ponder and pray about. The big thing will the the discussion with my wonderful husband. Dreams are wonderful, but decisions must be made together.

Later.....

Just Another Manic Monday.....

Ok...so the weekend is coming to an end. Monday is only a few hours away and we all get back to the mundane things we do 5 days a week....unless of course you are a stay at home mom, then it never ends. How do I know that you ask? Because I spent most of my time with my children through most of their school years at home...that's how I know. It is a daunting yet awesome task that we take upon ourselves.

Oh well, back to the topic at hand. For those of us who have an empty house (kids grown and on their own) but still have to get up every Monday morning and go back to that place we call our job, I know that I for one, wonders why? Why didn't I pay more attention to saving my money, why didn't I pay more attention to the fact that I really didn't need that pair of shoes with the pocketbook to match. Then I wouldn't be sitting behind a desk 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.

The things we think of after we get older, the shouda's woulda's coulda's....I sigh...why bother looking back. It changes nothing. I must look forward. Forward to the day when I can do exactly what I want to do. The things that will make my life complete, happy, peaceful. I'm not saying that I'm not happy or complete or peaceful now, I'm just saying that I know there could be more. There has to be more. If not, then why do I care. Why does it mean so much to me to look for more in my life.

I will wake in the morning, slowly rising from bed, feeling all the aches and pains of my age...stumble my way to the shower and try to get my head together to deal with that otherwise dreary Monday. All the while thinking to myself, only 4 more days till the weekend.

Well ladies and gents...what about you...

Have a great Monday!

Time For...

Everyone seems to be in a hurry these days. I am one of those people. Why? Why are we all in such a hurry? Are we running late for work, a date, an appointment? Why do we wait to get out the door of the mornings when we know what time we have to be where ever we are to go? Is it that subconsciously we are wanting to slow down?

Do you ever ask yourself why you don't have "Time for" sitting down with an old friend to have lunch or dinner, go to a bookstore and find a different sort of book, get a coffee and just sit in the bookstore for a while and read. What about walking through a park and listening to the sounds of other people and nature?

What would you like to do if you made "Time For...."?

I know that if I would make "Time For" I would learn how to work in a coffee shop. I would learn how to decorate cakes. I would learn how to make the best cookies in the world. I would start a book club....get a bunch of us together and pick a book, meet once a month and discuss that particular book.

So, there's a few of the things I would do if I would only take "Time For" ....

Again I ask you...What would you do if you made "Time For"?

Maybe I will start one of mine.......

HAVE WE FORGOTTEN WHO WE ARE?

I heard on the news today of a school who chose, at their football game, to have prayer (the students decided) for a fallen athlete and a moment of silence in rememberance of 9/11. Well, you probably have already guessed what happened next...ONE person was "offended" and called...you know who..the ACLU...geez...when is this country going to learn that each time they are 'called' in to 'take care of' a situation, we lose more and more freedom.

I am sick to death with hearing how we have no right to do anything. We have got to put a stop to this before our children become nothing more than "yes men". I don't care what your religious views are...I don't step on you, don't step on me.

If I don't agree with how you feel, I don't have to stay around and listen to it. I'm not going to go 'crying' to some stupid organization that has no ones best interest at heart...they only have one goal...to become more powerful and to take what rightfully belongs to us away. The freedom of speach.

I agree to disagree, but I do not agree for the minority to tell me what I can or cannot do in public. Yes, they are the minority. It may seem like they are not, but it's because we have become numb to what is happening around us. I am part of the numbing of this country as well.

Well, I'm tired of being numb. I want to stand up for what I believe.

I don't know exactly where this path will start, unless this is the start. I only know that if we as a country, that was founded on freedom of religion, don't stop this insanity, we are doomed.

We say "God Bless America" but do we really mean it. Are we willing to make sure He does bless us? Then we had better make a stand.

As for those out there who believe other than Christianity, don't think for one minute that you won't be next. Regardless who you pray to...we are all in the same boat...FREEDOM IS BECOMING EXTINCT IN AMERICA!

So, what to do? Pray America, pray. Don't let the fools take away what is ours. We all have a common goal. We all need to work together. Lets put back what this country was started for in the beginning...Freedom.

Just something to consider......do you want to be a slave...or do you want to be free?

Skype...it's the greatest!

Well, I thought I would just mention how wonderful skype is when your husband is on the other side of the world and some of your family is in Lousiana. It brings a bit of sunshine in your life when you feel alone.

I know that my hubby will be home next week and my daughter and her family will be coming home in December, but for now...skype will keep us close.

Sometimes I feel like I'm on the outside looking in and then I get that morning or evening call from the man I love and I realize I am outside...looking inside...a computer...at the most wonderful man in the world.

....and when you can see and talk to your children and grandkids, it's so great. My little grandson Jacob has the swine flu and they are treating him and all the other kids with tamiflu. When I saw him on skype it looked as if the meds and the meds for his fever was working...he was full of it..LOL

I know that my blog seems to be just a bunch of ramblings, but it feels good to be able to put my feelings down in words. I am by no means any kind of writer, however, I do like to write.

For now...it's off to watch the last show of America's Got Talent!

A Sad Day

I just wanted to stop in and make mention of the passing of a wonderful actor/dancer, Patrick Swayze. He was one of my all time favorites and I think I feel in love with him when I saw Dirty Dancing. My prayers are with his family. I know he gave it a good fight and never stopped trying. He was a couragious man.

My heart goes out to all who are dealing with any type of cancer or dealing with a family member who has it. You are all so couragious and give us such inspiration.

God Bless You All.

Good Morning Sunshine

Well, it is a wonderful day today. The sun is shining so brightly. God has definitely made this day and I will be glad in it.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend. I was able to talk to Bryan a little bit this morning. He is now in bed, fast asleep while I'm wide awake and getting ready to head to my mom's for lunch and visit with one of my daughters, son and fiance and several of my grandchildren.

If I can get them to stand still long enough, I might get some pictures taken. Well, one can hope...LOL

As I sit here typing in my blog, I have the front door open, sun pouring through, cicada's chirping in the background and a wonderfully cool breeze blowing in. Makes me wish I could have this moment for a long time..only with my dear hubby here.

He went on a boat cruise on Tao Ho Lake (I know I didn't spell it right) but it's the largest lake in Shanghai (I think that's what he told me. You know, I might want to get my facts straight before I publish them, but that wouldn't be who I am...LOL. If I'm wrong I'll come back and correct myself.) Anyhoo, the cruise was about 4 hours and he said he met people from all over the world. He loved it. I would love it if he would come home..lol but that will be on the 23rd.

He is able to pick up on languages so easily it boggles my mind. I have a hard enough time just trying to speak my own language..(oh btw..I'm just a country girl). Bryan said the people there were very impressed with how he tries to speak their language and his willingness to learn. They evidently don't get too many that try. That should say something to those who come here....learn the language!

No, I'm not predjudice, I just believe if you are in a different country, you learn their language, not the other way around. If someone is offended by my feelings, don't read this. I mean no harm or offense to anyone, but I will speak my mind. In a polite manner. Sometimes. Maybe.

Well, I'm not sure where that soapbox came from, but consider it put away..for now...LOL.

Ok..gotta finish getting ready to head out. Once again, ya'all have a great one and hug your momma!

Later....

My Grandson Noah...he's the youngest..ain't he cute..

...the story continues

Well I'm back...been a few days since my last post...as whoever may have read it...it wasn't a good day. Things are better today, but that's how it is when you're 50 something.

I have been able to talk with Bryan via Skype most days. While he is in China we have to make sure we are both in the right place at the right time since it's 12 hours difference. He is having a good time and really likes it there. The town where he is at is considered a "small" town. 6,000,000 people. Uh, I don't think that would pass for a small town in my mind, but there....well it is.

I spent most of the afternoon pickling different types of peppers for him. It wasn't so bad except that the fumes of some of them burnt my nose, eyes and throat. The good thing is, they all sealed. He is planning on making pepper sauce. I'm sure that will be the kind you have to measure by the drop. LOL

I am curious how some of you think and feel at this point in your life. It doesn't matter if you're 50+ or not. You could be older or younger. I'm just curious how everyone is dealing with the different aspects of your daily life.

I have always had a desire to be my own boss and have a business where I can be with people and make lots of wonderful friends. I have tried many different types of things from Avon to Mary Kay, Pampered Chef to Jordan Essentials. I think that I talk my self out of being really good at any of them. Working full time everyday, all I want to do is come home and sleep. It's not exactly how I want to live, but when my mind is exhausted, well.....

I am trying to keep to my new way of eating, but this past week hasn't been a good one. I have not drunk enough water like I have the last few weeks and I can feel it. I have also eaten too much chocolate. I need my veggies....will probably have that tonight. It's amazing how you really feel when you start eating right and then "fall off the wagon" so to speak.

On to a different subject....we went to Chattanooga over the Labor day weekend. I love being in downtown Chattanooga. I would move there if I could, but I would be too far away from my mom, kids and grandkids...and I need them in my life more than I need to be in Chattanooga. So, I will make it a point to go there more often. :>)

We will be going to Flatrock NC on the weekend Bryan gets back from China for the Flatrock Festival. This will be a camping trip, tent and all. I just hope it doesn't rain this year. Last year was terrible.

Ok...enough for now...Please feel free to leave your comments. I really am interested.

Ya'all have a great weekend.

Ok So I'm 50 Something....Now What

Yeah..I'm 50 something. I know I'm not the only one out there, but sometimes I feel completely alone. I wonder, does anyone my age have the same feelings, fears, dreams. Do you feel like life happened and forgot to take you along? Everyone else is doing something special with their life and you, well, you're just watching it go by. That is how I feel most days.

I try not to let it get me down, but it's hard. You wake up in the morning too tired to get up, but you do it anyway. You feel all the aches and pains of an 80 year old, but you keep moving, almost without thought, just actions. You get yourself ready to do what you do, day in and day out. Go to work, come home, take care of animals because your husband is out of town due to work, fix a bite to eat and then go to bed. Only to start the same thing over again.

Right now, my husband is getting ready to go to China for the second time. The first time was only a few weeks ago and was to be for 1 week but ended up being 2 weeks. Now, once again he will be gone for 2 weeks. The first time was really hard. I don't like being home alone. I'm not afraid nor am I helpless. I just don't like it.

I'm trying to do a different program of nutrition to start feeling better health wise and with it will probably come some weight loss. That would really be great. I don't particularly like some of the foods that my nutritionist suggested, but I try. I think maybe it might make a difference in how I see myself.

This is what I find in me everyday...ramblings...so many thoughts I don't know how to put them in any kind of reasonable order. Sometimews I'm not sure if I have much of a memory left.

There are so many things that I want to do with my life that I have no idea what to do first, if there is anyway that I can get out of the box I'm in.

My reason for starting this blog is for others to post their opinions, questions, statements etc.

I will not always write in the "black" mood. I am happy and loving and have lots of wonderful things to say. It's just right now, the mood is not so cheery. But that is ok...for now it's enough....

....more to come....