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Short Message

I know it's been a while since I wrote on my blog. I have been dealing with the loss of my job, which I didn't think would bother me that much, but it did. I have also been watching my youngest grandson Noah a few days a week. We took a long vacation to Tupelo MS, then to Fort Polk LA, then over to Hot Springs AR for Thanksgiving. We stopped in Nashville on the way back to celebrate our 8th anniversary and then home. I enjoyed everything except the riding..my back can't take it. As the saying goes though, "there's no place like home"!

We are getting ready for our Ripley Christmas Dinner tonight and I woke up to see it snowing outside this morning. It's almost noon and it's still snowing.

Our dogs love it and act like kids do. Romping and running around like it was some sort of party.

I do have some of my Christmas shopping done. No decorating done yet and no wrapping yet. I am still trying to get Mary Kay up and running. I get discouraged once in a while that it's not moving as fast as I want it to, but I have to be patient and just do what I can.

I hope that all my friends and family have a healthy and Happy Merry Christmas.

I will try to write more later.

Enjoy the day that our Lord has made!

Are You Listening?

I ask this question because we all are being spoken to by others, family, friends, God. Are we listening to what is being said to us? I mean really listening. I think not. I know that we hear the voices of those speaking to us, but if you're like me, most times we can't remember what the conversation was 5 minutes later. Why is that?

I think it's because we have become so customed to tuning things out, noises, conversations of other people, even though they may be speaking to us. We are too busy. We are always too busy.

What about when God is speaking to us? Do you know it's Him or do you just shrug it off and think it's just your imagination? How can we know that it's really Him speaking?

Well, I'm gonna tell you how I know God was trying to get my attention.

I lost my job.

Let me take you back a couple of weeks prior to "that day". I use to sell Mary Kay. You're wondering what this has to do with me losing my job, right? Well, it has everything to do with it. I decided to talk to a friend of mine who I had as a director before and we got me signed back up to join this wonderful company. I had talked to my husband about this and told him that I wanted to do this and I felt that God was leading me back to it. I had a time table for when I wanted to do this full time. The time I picked wasn't in agreement with him, so I made a compromise. I told him that when I started making the same amount with Mary Kay as I was with my job or the time when he said, which ever came first, then I would turn in my notice.

I continued on with my full time job as usual. I had not been happy there for a long time. It's not that I didn't like my job, I just wasn't happy. Ok, here's where the story gets exciting.

Wednesday, October 21st 2009 was a day like all the others. I came to work and did what I do. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just the same thing as every other day. I went to lunch and came back, continuing with my work.

Around 3 or 3:15 that afternoon, the owner of the company and his son, the president came to me to look at a utility bill. It was my job to keep my eyes peeled on things out of the ordinary and let them know. I usually did a pretty good job at it. I would miss it once in a while, but then no one is perfect, right.

Well, I evidently missed something really big. The screaming I got was nothing short of "I will strangle you" look. In all the years I worked there, I had never seen or heard such. He was still yelling as he went back to his office. Yeah, this was in front of God and everyone in the office.

A few seconds later, I was called into his son's office and told they had to let me go that I had missed too much work. I was in a state of shock from the moment I was being screamed at to being told I was fired. I understood that I had made a mistake and yes, I had missed some work due to being sick, etc. But I felt blindsided. The entire office went stone cold silent. No one said a word.

As I started packing my stuff up to leave, I asked a co-worker to help me take my things to my car. He, too, was in shock and told me he felt sick. I let him know that I would be ok, that everything would be ok. I didn't scream back, I didn't throw or slam things, I didn't even cry. I felt very calm, shocked, but calm.

As the next few days went by, I was still in a state of shock. I moved in a fog, but my husband was home during this time. My daughters even said I looked better. The stress was gone from my face. I don't know that all the stress is gone. I still have to make a pay check. As for Bryan, he's upset at what they did, but mostly concerned.

I am the type of person that if something goes wrong or I make a mistake, I need to know about it so I can "fix" it. I am what some would refer to as a person who likes to "be in control".

Well, the day of my dismissal, I had my first Mary Kay party. Some of the ladies I worked with were to come and I made sure that they knew that I still expected to see them there. They came and I told my director what had happened. Her response was "YOU WERE!!!! (with a smile on her face)" Doesn't God work in misterious ways? (still smiling)

I never thought about looking at it that way considering I was still in shock. We had a good time that night. A day or two later she emailed me telling me that I really needed to have some form of inventory. She and I both knew I had no money to do that. Her words, "take a leap of faith". Then I was told that I could get my 401K out. I know what you're thinking. I didn't have that much in there to begin with. However, what I get will be enough to get the minumun inventory order.

Now, back to "Are you listening?" As the days started going by, I realized that God had been speaking to me in different forms. I guess the doors that were being opened, I saw as opportunities and I would do them 'on my terms and my time'. I guess God got tired of holding them opened and had my butt kicked out it. Then to have the ability to receive the money that I needed, well, that's only God.

Nothing about any of this has 'my control' about it. God was and is telling me that He alone is in control of my life. Period! Stop worring about why it happened and start thanking Him for being there to help me through it.

This new path that I am being led down will not be a walk in the park. God did not take me from one place that I didn't want to be to put me in another where there would be no sacrifices or hard times. He has me here to show me who He is and to be obedient to Him.

I pray that I will be the person He is trying to teach me to be. It's been hard these last few days. Part of me wants to hide in bed and not do anything and let depression take me down into that dark pit. The other part wants to be joyous and thankful and grateful and peaceful and go out and do a great job for the Lord. This is the part that will win.

Everyday will be a new beginning for me. Everyday is a new beginning for all of us. I am not going to look to tomorrow, because tomorrow may never come. I am looking at today. What am I going to do today that will make my Lord and Saviour proud of me? What am I going to do today that will bless others?

So, I ask you, Are You Listening?

What Do You Do When the devil Steals Your Joy?

Woke up this morning feeling ok. I decided that this was going to be a good day. The sermon at church Sunday was great and always seems to give me just what my soul needs. Of couse, we had my uncle's funeral that afternoon and it was also beautiful.

Ok..so...to deal with the day, I try to do my best to be my best.

What do you do when the first thing to happen to you is "crap" in your face? Well, if you do what you should, you just smile and realize that you are being tested to see just how much joy you have and what are you going to do with it. Well, how many of us really do that? If we are all honest, not very many. I am one of those.

I didn't get the response to something that I wanted and felt that was rightfully mine and immediately I went into defense mode, hostility mode, I'm pissed mode. I wasn't the only one. There were a few of us today walking that same barbed wire fence and we all fell right through it. The scratches and cuts that I have are so deep right at this moment that I feel sure tomorrow won't be better. I'm still angry and want to go to this person and tell them exactly what I think. Will that make it better? Of couse not.

Ok, does that sound like the attitude most of us will take? You know it! I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I only know that I pray that I will do better tomorrow than I did today.

I have learned and heard that God will not put on us more than He knows we are able to handle. The thing is, He doesn't want 'us' to handle it. He wants us to let Him handle it. He can handle all things.

I know all these things and more, but somehow "I'm not wanting to let it go". Do you know anyone like that? I'm sure you do.

I guess there are times when I wish I had someone close that I could talk to and tell all the things that were bothering me and making me miserable. Oh, wait....I do have someone...Jesus. I know He is hearing me now and reading as I write my feelings.

I know that life is hard. I know that we make it hard. I know that God will be with me no matter what.

I also know that just knowing these things don't make them go away. What I do know is I have to try everyday to do better.

Heavy Heart

The day was sunny, but the wind blew cold. People filed in the church to pay their respects to a man they admired and loved. His two daughters stood at the head and foot of the casket as people passed by, hugging, crying and rejoicing in a life that meant something to them and a person they would miss dearly. His two grandchildren and his sons-in-law were there. His wife was sitting in her wheel chair. I wasn't sure if she knew what was going on, but when I approached her, I knew she knew. You could see the sadness in her eyes. It was heartbreaking....

Today was a sad, but happy day. We layed my uncle to rest. He passed away early Friday morning. He was 83 years old and a very devoted Christian man. He loved God, his family, his church, his friends. He was respected by all who knew him. He was one of many of my uncles that had a great influence on me. I loved to go to their house and spend the night. He never made me feel like I was an intrusion. I felt just as much at home there as I did at my grandparents home. That's where I lived from 8 years old until I was over 13.

There were so many aunts and uncles in my life. So many wonderful Christian people. That's they way there were/are. Many of them have passed on to be with the Lord. I know that all I can hope for is to be a portion of what they were with my life. I know that I have fallen so short so many times. I do know that each day brings with it a new beginning.

I'm tired now...I think I will go to bed and dream of a new beginning and pray for a better day tomorrow.

Peaceful Determination

Anyone who has ever had to make a major decision knows just how "unpeaceful" it can be. The worries about whether or not one is making the right choice, the sleepless nights not knowing if what choice you've made will have a postive impact on your life or a negative one.

I am at that point in my life. The worries of finances, the decisions of how to help my mother in the best way possible, and trying to make sure that the path I am trying to find is the one that God has for me.

Faith plays a big part in making decisions in your life. Keeping fear from being the driving force is a big hurdle for me. You've heard people say we can be our own worst enemy? Well, I am that and more.

I try to believe in myself, but most of the time I tell myself I can't "step out" of my comfort zone. I have a friend who has told me many times in the past few years that I need to step out and take that leap of faith, but be willing to put the muscle behind the faith. She's right!

I love my friends. I don't have a ton of them, but the ones I do, are so important to me and mean everything to me. I know I can count on them to tell me straight up what's what.

So, for once in my life I'm going to do just that...step out of my comfort zone and do something for me. I believe, with God's help, my husband's support and my "peaceful determination" I can do all things.....